| Jim, a 42-year old engineer was teaching his | | | | Empathic listening is a type of listening that goes |
| eight-year-old son how to fly a radio-controlled airplane. | | | | further than ordinary listening. This type of listening |
| As the airplane was taking off, Jim instructed his son | | | | uses another person's point of view to see the world |
| to push the control stick on the radio to the right. He did | | | | as others see it. It provides a higher level of |
| and the airplane turned to the right. | | | | understanding of how others feel. |
| This was repeated several more times until the | | | | Self-awareness occurs as you better understand your |
| airplane turned full circle toward the son, ready to land. | | | | own thoughts and feelings. You are then better able to |
| "Push the stick to the right," said Jim. This time, | | | | understand the thoughts and feelings of someone else. |
| however, the plane turned left. "Push the stick left," Jim | | | | The more open we are to our own feelings, the more |
| said. Now the plane turned right, as if it suddenly had a | | | | skilled we become at reading someone else's feelings, |
| mind of its own. | | | | and generally the less angry we feel toward them. |
| "I'm confused," said the son. "How do I know which | | | | Acceptance, on the other hand, is the ability to see |
| way to push the stick when the plane behaves | | | | that others have a right to their "ridiculous" feelings. We |
| differently depending on if it's flying away from me or | | | | must allow people to have feelings without telling them |
| toward me?" | | | | how they should feel. W cannot stop others from |
| "It's simple," said Jim. "Simply imagine you're in the plane | | | | having feelings. |
| and push the stick accordingly." This cured the problem. | | | | Empathic people understand that feelings are difficult |
| What a great lesson in empathy - the ability to | | | | to control. When we accept others as they are, it |
| experience the world from another perspective, often | | | | simply means that we understand that they are doing |
| the perspective of another person. | | | | the best they can at the time. Remember, if they could |
| As an anonymous English author wrote: "To | | | | do any better, they probably would. |
| empathize is to see with the eyes of another, to hear | | | | Acceptance of others' feelings is not easy when |
| with the ears of another, and to feel with the heart of | | | | people act differently than we do. We all have |
| another." | | | | difficulty with those who are different. By learning the |
| Why is empathy important? The real world bottom line | | | | skill of empathy, we will be better able to understand |
| is that lack of empathy leads to poor communication | | | | ourselves and others. |
| and a failing to understand others. Lack of empathy | | | | Here are five simple rules to be more empathetic. |
| leads to all sorts of problems in our world. Nations go | | | | 1. Pay attention to the feelings that others express. |
| to war, people are killed, couples divorce - all for a lack | | | | Watch for both verbal and nonverbal clues. Try to |
| of empathy and understanding. | | | | understand the message behind the words and |
| It is natural to become angry when frustrated or | | | | actions. |
| irritated with people who do or say things at variance | | | | 2. Place the feelings of other's ahead of your own. Put |
| with our worldview. | | | | aside your own needs and ideas long enough to listen |
| To manage anger, it often helps to see our anger as a | | | | to another's point of view. |
| combination of their behavior and our lack of empathy. | | | | 3. Communicate your understanding. Respond or give |
| While we cannot control other's thoughts, feelings or | | | | answers to the messages you receive to show you |
| behaviors, we most certainly can increase our | | | | understand them. |
| empathy skills. | | | | 4. Do not interrupt. Let speakers finish what they are |
| To control our anger with increased empathy, three | | | | saying before you talk. |
| basic skills are required: listening, self-awareness and | | | | 5. Ask for more information. If you still don't understand, |
| acceptance. | | | | ask more questions until you fully understand. |