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Mean Animals I Have Known

Mean  Animals  I  Have  Knownblanketing the terrain with a rather tall
carpet of green. I was sitting in a
Byposition where I could see across the canyon
below to the ridge opposite. Adam was to
Thom  Cantrallmy right, up the ridge about a quarter mile
(400 m) away and near where the two ridges
Âunited. Greg had taken up his position by
going to my left, down the ridge, crossing a
           Once againdrainage and up onto the side of the next
I find life and Hollywood to be at odds.Âridge, giving him an excellent view of the
In all the movies I've ever seen whereinlower end of the ridge opposite. What had
animals are actually allowed to appear ascaused us to assume this alignment was our
themselves, in their real personae and nothaving spotted a gang of elk on the ridge
some Disneyesque scenario where wild animalsbeyond, coming up out of the Mosquito Creek
are portrayed as living in family groups withdrainage. And, this gang was moving slowly
Papa Bear, Mama Bear and Baby Bear living inand unconcernedly in our direction. A
harmony with their bunny and squirrelquick war council produced this deployment
neighbors, the mean ones, if depicted at allwith the agreement on the point that when
are conspicuously obvious. Who could butthey reached the top of that ridge opposite,
realize immediately upon seeing him thatchances were that they would either turn to
Shere Kahn is absolutely up to no good andmy right, up the ridge or turn to my left,
wishes nothing but evil to the "man cub" indown the ridge. If the former case came
"The  Jungle  Book"?about, they would run directly in Adam. If
the latter, they would bottom out and be
           Even whendirectly in Greg's sights. I, being the
actual animals are playing the part ofrookie, was in the rocking chair and hoping
animals, often with the help of plasticjust  to  get  an  opportunity.
stand-ins, we are not allowed the honor of
determining for ourselves the level of innateThe plan worked exactly as designed. The
goodness embodied therein. "Jaws", forelk hit the crest of the ridge and turned to
example could not make an appearance withoutmy right, uphill. I could see them as they
being introduced with a blood chillingfed and moved through the young timber.Â
rendition of some soul-tingling mood music.ÂNever long enough for a shot, but I could see
I know that one Great White Shark bears athem. Occasionally I could see antlers,
strikingly close resemblance to any otherusually poking above the trees. Never
Great White Shark much the same as one crowcould I see both antler and animal
bears an exact resemblance to any other crowsimultaneously until, finally, at the head of
in the world. But, that not withstanding,that spur ridge in a small clear spot, there
did we need to be told that this creature washe was. A young bull he was, to be sure,
dangerous? Wouldn't the simple appearancebut a nice one for a rookie. Slowly I
of a tall fin jutting out of the water tellraised my brand new Remington .30-'06 and
us  his  intentions?took careful aim. I judged the range at a
bit under three hundred yards (270 m) and was
           As a personsnuggling into the sling of my rifle…
who has spent a great percentage of his lifethe cross hairs of my scope were just
among God's Creatures, I can attest to anyonesettling in place when a very loud shot rang
so inclined that no such warnings as thoseout and all I could see of the bull in the
described above have ever preceded any closescope were four elk feet flailing in the
encounter of the malevolent kind among Motherair! Adam, obviously, had been in
Nature's children. Not once have I everabsolutely  perfect  position.
heard the tum-tum-tum-tum…
tum-tum-tum-tum that Jaws engendered whenWith the report of the rifle, the gang
approaching any critter that might wish meimmediately turned back down the ridge,
ill!obviously planning their escape back down the
ridge to the bottom and thence slipping into
           In mythe standing, old-growth timber unseen.Â
single digit and very early double digitAgain, I could see them slipping through the
years I spent well over seventy-five percentbrushy timber without giving me opportunity
of the daylight and a substantial portion offor a shot. Again, I could see antlers
the not-so-daylight hours when not servingabove the brush, but then…. Directly
time in that venerable institution that wasacross the canyon on the side of the ridge
the bane of my ilk… School…about a hundred feet (30 m) below the crest,
anywhere  but  under  a  roof.the herd was on a trail that brought them
into the open for a short distance. By
Much of this time was invested in exploringthis time, they were in single file and
every square foot of my uncle's ranch and themoving at a slow trot. At the particular
surrounding environs. Fences held nopoint in question, each animal in turn had to
meaning for me at this juncture and locationjump a downed log and was then in full view
other than a necessary inconvenience meant tofor about three to four body lengths at which
keep livestock restricted to a predeterminedtime the animal disappeared back into the
area… more or less, considering thejungle of growth. It was like a shooting
shape in which most of these backwoods fencesgallery. The range was good, about
were  kept.two-hundred-twenty-five yards (200 m) and
about level. The shot, while it had to be
           Many ofdone  without  wasted  time,  was  doable.
them had been erected by the Spanish when
General Mariano Vallejo had owned this vastI watched eagerly, my scope locked on each
Northern California domain and had seenhead as it appeared in queue, awaiting a turn
little in the way of maintenance since thatat the gallery jump. When a set of small
time. To say that most were decrepit wouldantlers appeared in the lineup, I slipped the
have been liberal in description…safety off and waited as the cows and calves
actually, most were worse than that. As aahead of him cleared the way. Soon, he was
consequence, this was pretty much open rangethere… his head held high as he jumped
to both the cattle and sheep that grazedthe fallen obstacle without seeming effort
these timber and brushlands as well as toand landed in the open area. He took one
small boys who were, truly, pint sizedmore shuffling step to catch his balance and
disciples of Lewis and Clark, Kit Carson andI heard the report of my rifle. I do not
Jedediah  Smith. But,  I  digress…recall ever feeling the recoil. The shot
was true as I watched the hair jump just
           This ranchbehind his left front shoulder and he stopped
was home to about four or five millionstill in his tracks. Since he was still on
Western Rattlesnakes. Indeed, it seemedhis feet, I worked the bolt and jacked a
that these rattlesnakes were the only thingsecond round into the chamber. Again, the
that did grow in profusion on this back-woodshair jumped right next to the first hit as
ranch. Now, perhaps I've exaggerated athe one-hundred-sixty-five grain Speer bullet
bit, but suffice it to say that they werefound its mark. But, again, he did not
common and they grew large. I know thatfall. Neither did he move. It was as if
the official records say that this snake doestime was standing still and all else in the
not exceed five feet (1.52 m) in length, butworld had disappeared except that bull elk
I could have shown those experts severaland me. There were no other elk in
specimens that exceeded that conservativeexistence… I had no companions, no
length considerably. Probably the largestfamily, and no purpose except as concerned
I ever saw personally was one my cousinthat  bull. Once  more, I worked the bolt.
Shirley killed under the clothesline just out
the back door of the house. This snakeI knew I had two lethal shots in him and was
measured over six feet (2 m) in lengthamazed at his ability to remain upright.Â
without its head. This snake had a girthThat he was shaken and wounded mortally, I
of over eight inches (19.3 cm) and lookedknew, but I was determined he not suffer.Â
particularly menacing. For the most part,Always, I had prided myself on the fact that
the only time we ever killed a rattlesnake isno animal I had ever taken had required more
when it was in proximity to the house orthan one shot to dispatch. That a
could pose a danger to some of us. While IRoosevelt Bull Elk could carry a lot more
know that television tends to portray thelead than a deer was a fact that I understood
rattlesnake in a coiled position, head poisedintuitively and was just now learning in real
to strike and rattles singing, I actually sawtime. For my third shot, I took a bit more
that in the wild so rarely that I thought fortime and located where the bone ran through
many years that we had demented or, at least,his neck. I was sure he was not moving
unnatural snakes. Yes, when provoked, ourwith two rounds in his boiler room… now
snakes would coil and assume that classicI was going to put one into his wheelhouse.Â
pose, but it was an extremely rareI felt that the range was a bit excessive to
circumstance, for sure, when a snake leteffect one into his brain, so chose the
forth with his singing buzz. Generallysecond-best location. Once more, I could
speaking, he had to be provoked heartily tosee the hair on his neck jump as the heavy
induce that buzz. Normally, as soon as hebullet  created  its  effect.
was no longer being prodded or poked, he just
uncoiled and slithered on about hisSlowly, after this shot, the bull's knees
rattlesnake business without so much as a "bybegan to buckle. Like a punch-drunk
your leave" or even a glance back. Though,fighter viewed in slow-motion, he folded
he would probably have shaken his head andslowly, one leg at a time and he eased to the
shrugged his shoulders, had he had them, atground, taking care, I was sure, not to
the ignominy of this treatment he hadbruise any of his delicious meat. I
received.watched as he crumpled like an empty potato
chip bag until he was prostrate on the steep
           The onesidehill. Then, like that bag unfolding on
notable exception to this general ruleits own, a leg jerked spasmodically…Â
occurred one warm spring day when Tony, ourA second kick caused him to roll down the
trusty and tired saddle horse, and I werehill a bit. Soon, another kick and he
returning from a morning's excursion to thetumbled  even  further  down  the  ridge.
edge of the wilderness, an area of immature
Madrone trees about two inches (5 cm) in"Aha," I said to myself, "how wonderful!Â
diameter and twenty feet (7 m) tall that hadHe'll be so much easier to dress out at the
been killed in a fairly recent wildfire thatbottom of the ravine than he would be on that
had passed through the area. This createdsteep sidehill. I'd probably have to drag
a nightmarish land of soot-covered stemshim  down  to  the  bottom  anyway…"
reminiscent of a black bamboo jungle. Only
the foolish ever entered theOh, how naïve can a rookie be? I had
Wilderness… a second time. On thetotally failed to reckon with the fact I had
morning in question we had just made the trekjust harvested one of the really mean elk in
for much the same reason people climball of creation. All elk hunters know
mountains… because they are there.Âintuitively that trophy elk do not live above
It had been a pleasant foray and had servedthe road as this would make the pack out to
to clear my mind of the cobwebs engenderedbe much too easy. Even if one should be
during the previous week by Mr. Wilson, mycaught traversing that "no-elks-land" they
fifth grade teacher in his never-ending questwill do everything they possibly can to
for dangling participles or split infinitivesrectify their faux pas and immediately light
or something of the sort. The ride hadout for the very bottom of darkest, brushiest
worked wonders on my over-taxed nervoushole imaginable, there to die. Thus, in
system, serving to remind me that if a nountheir passing, they can inflict the greatest
wanted to dangle its gerund, it was by nopossible distress on the hapless hunter who
means  my  fault!Âwas inexperienced enough to have taken his
life! I once had a Pastor of a local
           I waschurch swear to me that he had taken a nice
smiling inwardly and drowsing outwardly inbull above the road in such a position that
the late morning sun. Tony, for his part,he had but to back his truck up to the bank
was taking it all pretty much in stride andat the side of the road and slide the animal
was nearly as asleep as I was. The road wein whole, thereby retrieving him almost
were on was no proper road, but a cat trailwithout effort. I was skeptical but not
cut out by the massive blade of my uncle'swanting to disbelieve the clergy when I found
venerable TD-24 bulldozer in the quest forout he was also a fisherman! Now I was
the huge Coastal Redwood trees (Sequoiatorn terribly trying to believe his most wild
Sempervirons) that grew there. These catstory. As he continued, it cleared itself
roads laced the mountainside, providing theup for me. It seems he was forced to stop
foot-weary a fairly comfortable place tofor some construction work on the road he was
walk. They were, at least, brush free andusing when the timber cutting crew lost
coated in about six or so inches (9 cm) ofcontrol of a tree they were falling and it
loose, flowing dust. The dusty trail wasdropped right across the bed of his
the morning newspaper of the mountainside.Âtruck… I tell you, those elk will do
In it you could read the travels of the localANYTHING to get even! I'm now quite sure
denizens… deer, lizards, snakes, mice,that animal's being above the road was just a
skunks raccoons and weasels… they allploy to lure the unwary into a position where
left note of their passing for the alerthis  truck could be squashed like a june bug.
reader.
This is a trait common to all elk and
           On thissubsequent harvests have led me from the
particular day, however, "alert" was not adepths of "Ohmygawd Canyon" to swamps so mean
word I would use to describe either Tony ofand foreboding that the fauna has regressed
myself. I was slumped in the saddle,several stages on the evolutionary scale (I
nearly asleep in the sun, the reins wrappedmean, have you ever seen a flying lizard?).Â
loosely around the pommel... My feet wereThese outings have served to teach me this
dangling on either side of the horse, free offact. However, what this young bull did
the stirrups. All in all, it was about aswas way beyond the scale of ordinary
pleasant a morning as a lad of my few yearsmeanness. Upon reflection, I cannot recall
could have imagined until we rounded a curvea single time when an elk just went peaceably
and, directly under Tony's belly a ratherand  stayed  where  he  fell.
large rattler let out with a very loud and
penetrating buzz that immediately served toIn this land of excessive moisture, the rain
transform  an  idyll  into  a  nightmare.creates many strange phenomena. The more
than two hundred inches (500 cm) of annual
           Iprecipitation causes the land to be conformed
immediately recognized the sound for what itto the water's needs. In this case, these
was and, unfortunately, so did Tony. Hispressure ridges, as we were now on, created
immediate reaction, born of an innate, ifby a long ago, long gone glacier several
heretofore unknown, dread of largethousand years ago were not made of solid
rattlesnakes, was to launch himself straightrock, but of alluvial materials like sand and
vertical for a considerable distance. I'llgravel. At the bottom of the gully,
have to leave the exact altitude attained tobetween the ridges, the excessive water flow
one's imagination as, at that moment, I washad created a trench very much like that
much  too  busy  for  quantitative  research.created by a backhoe when installing
underground utilities. This trench was
           Words myapproximately eight feet (2.5 m) in depth and
father had uttered only a week or so prior,three feet (1 m) in width. The sides were
on the occasion of my arriving back at theperfectly vertical and water ran in the
barn on Tony and being in the saddle butbottom. The ditch looked so unstable to me
sound asleep, came to mind... "Thomasthat, if it had been a construction project,
(actually, he called me Tommy… a habitno man would have ever been allowed in it
I could not break him of his entire life!)without  shoring  the  walls.
one of these days something is going to spook
him and he's going to throw you so high theAs I hiked down the hill from my ambush
crows will have time to build a nest in yourpoint, I was being soaked by the gallons and
behind (actually, my dad's language being asgallons of water that had been suspended on
colorful as it was, "behind" was not thethe needles of the young spruce and hemlock
exact word he used here) before you hit thetrees I was bulling my way through to reach
ground!"Â That, along with certain otherthe place where I expected to find my elk.Â
predictions regarding the effects on myLooking back on that today, my worrying about
anatomy of some of my antics served tothat water was very much like worrying about
suggest to me that he would have had a fairspilling a cup of water on oneself just
future as a prophet had he chosen to pursuebefore falling out of the boat. It took me
that end. With maturity, something younearly an hour to fight my way through brush
could have gotten pretty long odds, in thisas thick as the hair on a shaggy dog's back
era, against my ever surviving long enough toto reach the bottom of that gully. I could
reach, has come the realization that,readily see the path in the more open
perhaps, "Natural Consequence" may have hadsidehill the bull had made in his "kick it
more to do with his prognostications than didloose and let it roll" routine he used to
any  sense  of  the supernatural or ethereal.expand  his  meanness to stellar proportions.
           It amazesThe thick brush I had been negotiating ended
me even today, more than a half centurya few feet from the very bottom of the gully,
later, how clearly those thoughts came toproviding a clear area approximately eight
mind while I was still in the ascent stagefeet in width extending up and down the
and was diligently applying what I knew of ,gully. I could not believe my good fortune
added to what I was learning of the physicsin seeing this… Imagine, an area of
of flight, even while contemplating theclear ground on which to work! A five
inevitable… Somewhere below me was ahundred pound (225 kg) plus animal is hard
crazed horse and, below him, an angry,enough to move around for dressing in any
vociferous rattlesnake. Even though I wasplace or position. Doing so in brush or on
still gaining altitude at the moment of thissteep ground can be terrible. I was nearly
thought, I knew that, eventually, gravityecstatic, then, at finding this boon. And,
being what it was, I was going to going tothat ecstasy lasted the full two minutes or
have to effect a landing. Although I was,so it took me to break through the last of
at present, navigating quite well, I was notthe heavy cover and see the horrible truth of
at all sure that such benevolentwhat this animal had done as his last act of
circumstances would long continue, let alonedefiance. All that was to be seen where I
persevere.would have supposed this beast to be was the
marks of his last struggle as he managed to
           While timeheave himself bodily into that trench in the
seemed to hang suspended, I could feel myselfbottom of the gully. With no small amount
losing velocity as I neared the apogee of myof trepidation, I inched forward slowly,
short flight. Soon, I felt the rush of airpeering expectantly into that hole even while
as my direction of flight reversed and mydreading the confirmation of what I new was
velocity once more began to increase at thetrue.
rate of, I was to learn many years later,
thirty-two feet (11 m) per second for everyWhat greeted me was a sight indescribable.Â
second of my descent. At this point, myLying in the bottom of that hole I could see
thoughts began to change from the esoterica foreleg, or maybe two hind legs and one
investigation of non-powered flight to theeye. He lay in such a juxtaposed position
entirely mundane… Where the HELL (thisI am convinced there were forces other than
being about the strongest language at myrandom chance at work here. I doubt
command  at  this  time)  is  that  snake?sincerely that he could have become so
sincerely misaligned by mere chance. In
           I must say,addition, he was now acting as a really nice
as earth became larger and larger in mydam in the stream running at the bottom of
window of vision, much the same image thethe trench and was rapidly creating a rather
Apollo Astronauts would have seen about anice  lake  on  his  upstream  side.
decade and a half later, that snake began to
occupy more and more of my working mind.ÂIt was at least six feet (2 m) from the lip
As the conjectural thoughts were pushed asideof the trench to the animal and he filled
in favor of the essential, I began to detect,another short distance with his body. The
on the very periphery of my awareness, awalls were perfectly vertical for as far as I
loud, eerie screeching that seemed to fillcould see in either direction, affording me
the air with its essence. A small portionno easy access or egress anywhere within
of my conscious thought was being hijacked bysight. I found a convenient stump left
the weird sound. About this time it dawnedover from the logging of this area and sat
on me that, of the three players in thisdown  to  contemplate  my  situation.
incongruous drama, there was only one capable
of generating that kind of output. As inAs I pondered the improbability of this, a
the science of criminology, when theshot rang out from Greg's direction.Â
impossible is eliminated, what is left isVaguely, I recalled another from that area a
probably the truth. So it was that in thisbit earlier. More than likely, this last
case, neither horse nor snake was capable ofshot finished what the prior one had
 that tone, therefore, that left only me asstarted… which meant, Adam being busy
the author of that sound… a fact that,with his own bull from earlier and, now, Greg
while it did little to attenuate the volume,with his, I was entirely on my own. I was
it did serve to remove one source of stresssure that I could expect no help so what was
from  my  already  tortured  psyche.to  be  was  up  to  me.
           Now, thereThe rain was falling, not in drops any
was only one prime thought remaining…longer, but in vast sheets of water.Â
where the hell is that snake? Very soon,Looking down the draw, I could see wave after
like the pilot said at his Board of Inquirywave of water being driven before the wind.Â
following the crash of his fighterIn places, where the wind swept up the
plane… "I ran out of air speed,ridge, the water was hurled up the ridge, a
altitude and ideas simultaneously"… Ivanguard to the wind. It was actually
found myself measuring my length in the deepraining uphill! I have never, before or
dust of the road. As I lay prostrate,since, witnessed this exact phenomenon, but
still wondering where that snake was, I couldthere it was this cold, windy and wet
hear Tony making tracks as fast as he couldNovember  day.
down the mountain. He seemed nothing more
than intent on putting as much distance as heI finally, after much soul-searching, removed
could between himself and that snake…my outer garments, coat, vest, raingear, etc.
wherever he was… as possible in theand piled them on the stump that had served
shortest possible time. As I lay there inas my throne and, keeping only my venerable
the dirt sucking the needles and leaves offBuck Knife, my small hand axe and bone saw
nearby trees and shrubs in the effort to getfrom my belt sheath, I jumped from the lip of
air flowing into my lungs once more, I beganthe  trench  into  its  bowels.
to take stock of my anatomy. Without the
benefit of mirrors or other paraphernalia, II have never seen such a sight. I didn't
made the assessment that everything seemed tohave an elk lying in a ditch; I had a pile, a
be pretty much as it was prior to the ordeal,lump even, of elk lying in the bottom of that
all  of  three  seconds  before.ditch. Looking up, it appeared that I was
being buried in the groin of Mother Earth
The snake was not in evidence, havingherself. With a sigh, I pushed all
departed during the debacle just described.Âthoughts  aside and bent to the task at hand.
Tony was gone, but I had no concern for
him. He knew the way back to the barnMy first several attempts at moving the
better than I did and I had no doubt but thatanimal merely resulted in falling debris and
I'd next see him when I got to the bottom ofwaves of water as I unblocked, momentarily,
the mountain, standing at the gate, probablythe river that was being detained by the body
grumbling  because  he  hadn't  been fed yet.lodged in the bottom. I stopped a moment
and reassessed my situation. I looked over
I spent a few minutes assessing my condition,the situation in minute detail and, believe
testing my extremities and, in general,me, there was no little part of it that was
wondering where in hell that snake was.Âcomforting. At last, I thought I had a
Finally, having decided that little furtherhandle on what needed to be done to untangle
could be gained from my present position, Ithis mass of elk and arrange it in line with
tentatively began to rise. It was not thethe flow of the trench. This, at least,
easiest task I've ever performed but almostwould afford me the opportunity of dressing
everything seemed to work fairly well so,out the animal and, possibly, rendering it
timidly at first but soon with more strengthinto pieces of a manageable size that it
and purpose, down the road I moved. I wasmight, eventually, be removed from the
sure that Tony was gone and that I washole. My years of untangling backlashes
resigned to the long walk home on shaky andfrom my fishing reels stood me in good stead
achy  legs.in  getting  this  job  accomplished.
About three curves down the hill, standing toBy pulling on one foreleg until I got it free
one side of the skid road was Tony, his reinsthen scrambling across the lump of elk and
were dangling, effectively ground-hitchinginto the growing lake of ice water on the
him and allowing me to catch up the reins,uphill side, there to extricate a hind leg
mount the saddle and ride into the ranch yardfrom its trap, I was able to effect some
in triumph, head held high rather than havingprogress. Back across the carcass again to
to sore-foot it the last two miles in fromfind the other foreleg only to find the
the  site  of  my  encounter.antlers buried in to the bank, holding the
head firmly in place… directly on top
My even more unkempt than usual condition andof the misfolded appendage I was trying to
my rather labored movements finally clued myliberate. On and on, back and forth for
parents that all was not pure peaches andthe better part of an hour I worked to get
cream in my world. The severethis mean critter into an orientation that
interrogation to which I was subjectedwould allow me to begin the arduous task of
finally served to get the story of thebutchering. By the time I managed to get
meanest rattlesnake in all of Northernfive hundred pounds of dead elk arranged as I
California out of me… only to incitewanted him, I was drenched to the skin,
paroxysms of mirth from the entire family,covered in mud and muck and ruing the day I
parents, siblings, aunt and uncle andhad ever heard of elk. It should be noted
cousins, at my expense… probably theat this point that, although I may have
meanest thing that snake did. And, I neverdescribed this in words that would make one
did figure out where he had gotten to…think it was a pleasant, joyous
I was just eternally grateful that he was notoccasion… it was not! However, in
still there when I arrived, returning from myterms of what was yet to come, this interlude
aborted  free-flight.might  well  be  taken  as high, easy living.
As is usual with mean animals, there wasAt last I had wrestled him into a position in
absolutely no warning before he sang out inwhich I could begin the dressing. As soon
that especially loud voice…er…as I had vented the animal, I began to
tail in his case. In fact, it is preciselyencounter problems caused by the proximity of
this proclivity in some individuals to remainthe vertical walls. I could not roll the
silent until I am entirely within their snareanimal to allow easy extraction of the offal,
and am at peace with the world beforeso I had to remove it by hand, over the aft
launching their attack that marks them asend, piece by piece. By now, Icy Lake,
particularly  mean  animals!formed by Elk Dam, had drained sufficiently
that I could move the offal out of the water.
One of the past masters of this subterfuge
resides in the forested areas of the PacificWhen, at last, I determined him to be as
Northwest. He is a rather small bird, tooclean as I could make him in my present place
small to account for the amount of terror heand circumstance, I began the task of
can author. He seldom is as large as areducing him to carriable proportions. I
bantam hen, but his ability to raise histhought that six would be appropriate. To
victim's blood pressure to near explosivethis end, I removed his head and antlers and
levels is unparalleled in nature. Theplaced them in a safe spot. I then removed
usual  scenario  generally  involves…both front shoulders. This, while not near
as easy as it would have been on open ground,
The morning had been eventful. Elk werewas not overly difficult. The hind
around in good numbers and had provided shotquarters, however, were a totally different
opportunities on a couple of occasions onmatter. Normally, with the animal on its
smaller bulls. It was early in the seasonback, it is a relatively simple matter to
though and I was holding out for somethingmake a cut at the joint, allowing the weight
better, ignoring my long-standing tenet ofof the hind quarter itself to pull it way
"never turn down on the first day what youfrom the carcass. By simply extending the
would take on the last day."Â The vagariescut as the quarter falls away, it is soon
of archery hunting for elk being what it was,completely severed, the hip joint being a
one was never safe in the assumption thatball and socket joint that is easily popped
further chances would eventuate that wouldloose.
offer good shots. But, I was adamant. I
wanted a nice bull if I could get one, and ifSuch is life in a perfect world. My world,
one always takes a small one first, he willat the moment, was far from adequate, let
never have the opportunity to take a largealone perfect. I could not effect the cuts
one.as I normally would because the walls held
the legs nearly vertical, not allowing
The sun was making brief appearances fromgravity to aid in the process. Add to this
time to time and it had not rained in overthe fact that Rigor was, by this time,
two hours when I caught wind of elk nearby.Âsetting in and one can see the situation was
It must be noted that elk, though beautifuldeteriorating rapidly. It was pure
are not fastidious and they do not bathe.Âgut-busting, mule-hauling work to get those
Hence, they smell like a barnyard. And, ahind quarters separated from the carcass and
large group of them smells like a largeby the time it was completed, I was nearly in
barnyard. That is what I was catchingas  bad  shape  as  was  that  elk.
now… the aroma of a group, properly
called a gang, of elk somewhere very close.ÂThe last step in my butchering process was to
The terrain was flat and somewhat swampy.Âsplit the carcass transversely, across the
The timber was sparse, but regular in itscarcass just above the sixth rib yielding a
growth. The main growth was the ubiquitousfairly flat chunk of meat that was the prime
Salal Brush (Galtheria Shallon). Salalof primes in elk. On this was contained
grows everywhere in this country, and is,the tenderloin and the choicest steaks.Â
indeed a major economic commodity in thisThe other half contained some fine steaks as
area as it is harvested and used in floralwell… the T-bones and the rib steaks as
arrangements in the cities of the west.Âwell as the chuck steaks were here with a lot
Entwined in this lush growth of Salal is theof fine elk. It also included the ribs and
scourge of northwest loggers, Pacificbrisket  as  well  as  the  neck.
Blackberry (Rubus Ursinus). There is just
enough of it here to serve as a majorBy the time I had completed the butchering, I
tripping hazard, tying the hiker's legswas exhausted. While deciding my next
securely to the ground as his body continuesmove, I sank down to rest, using a hind
onward on its trek. The result is, often,quarter of elk as my seat… a load of
a loud crash and a burst of profanity. Theround steak supporting a round butt…
fact that this simple shrub is the major foodand began to think how I was going to get out
source for the Columbian Blacktail deer thatof this predicament. Obviously, I could
live here does little at this moment tonot get out the way I had come in, gravity
redeem  it  in  the  eyes  of  the  tripee.being what it was, so that left only two
options… up the trench or down the
On this morning, I was especially careful oftrench. As soon as my heart rate returned
it. I was moving across this area ofto a near normal rate, I arose and,
sparse timber most quietly, easing my way toshouldering one forequarter, began my trek
where I might see the elk I was smelling.Âdown the bottom of the trench, praying for a
On and on I moved, step after silent step.Âspot where the sides were low enough to let
From one tree to the next until, at last, Ime  get  out  of  the  hole.
was seeing elk moving through the timber.Â
There were several animals present and I hadIt seemed like hours had passed and miles
seen at least one set of antlers through thewalked before the lip of the trench began to
trees. I was inching ever so muchdo dip to greet me. Slowly and cautiously
closer. Already I had passed up a smallI crept along, my load gaining weight with
bull and some cows, the larger bull now ineach step all the while issuing prayers for
full sight just ahead. I was slowlythe lessening of the depth to continue.Â
closing the range on him… FiftyFinally, at last, my head was above the
yards… forty yards… nearer andground level and I waited no longer, but
nearer to the twenty-five yards (22.5 m) tolifted that front quarter from my shoulder
which my wooden recurve bow limited me.Âand onto the ground outside the trench. It
Just as I was to the point that I felt that Ireally felt like I'd covered at least a mile,
might consider a shot, I took that one morebut it was, as I learned by pacing the
step that is so often fateful. From out ofdistance on my return trip, only about five
the brush at my feet burst a small ball ofhundred feet (350 m). Four more trips I
feathers in the form of a ruffed grouse.Âmade with the meat from that bull and I had
He was mean enough to beat me mercifully withonly the chest cavity remaining. I was out
his wings as he made his ascent and hisof gas and out of ideas on how to move that
escape! If I could have maintained mylarge, bulky bull down my rapidly
composure, I could have caught him in my hatdeteriorating route when I heard my name
as he passed by, but, alas, such was not tobeing  called.
be. One cannot imagine the amount of noise
such a tiny creature can make with just hisWhile grinning so widely that I threatened to
wings in the morning air. Add to that thebreak my face, I hollered back. When a
fact that he was actually multiplying that bysecond call asked if I needed help, I
the factor of his wings actually beating mescreamed for rope and my packboard, a couple
physically.of items I had neglected to bring with me
when I dove into this hell-hole. I guess I
Of course, the elk were long gone, having nowas more interested in keeping them safe and
more desire to deal with the small tyrantdry in my truck than I was in actually using
than I had, but they had a clearer field ineither. That was a mistake I never
which to maneuver than did I with my feetrepeated in all the years I hunted elk.Â
tied to the ground by blackberry vines, myFrom that day onward, I never left my truck
heart was now in the proximity of my Adamswithout  a  length of rope wrapped around me.
apple and still on the rise… the air
around me still blue from the expletive thatI put the question of what to do about that
managed to slip out while my mind waslast piece of meat on hold until I had help
otherwise engaged with the problems ofhere with me. In the meantime, I
dealing  with  killer  grouse!recuperated. I knew the job was far from
complete as, even if both Adam and Greg came
On a scale of one to ten in meanness, thatin, it would still mean two trips apiece back
grouse had to rate at least a twelve orup that mountain through that brushy jungle
thirteen. I did manage to survive thatwith more than a hundred pounds (45 kg) of
unmitigated attack and even to take more elkelk  strapped  to  the  packframes.
in the future, but that didn't stay me from
my newest sport… skewering grouse withIn a few minutes, I heard the chatter of men
my bow and arrow whenever the opportunityas the brush snapped and an occasional curse
presented  itself!rang out, signaling a foot caught up in a
root or a vine or such. It dawned on me
Lest one begins to think that it is only thesuddenly that this was the noise of more than
alive and aware animal that is capable ofjust two men. In fact, when the brush
inflicting pain and torture on the unwary orfinally parted, not only Greg and Adam popped
under prepared, please note that there areout, so did three good friends from town.Â
several species that bear enough malice toI could not believe that they were actually
continue their retribution even past thethere, having told us not to expect them
curtain that signals the end of mortality.Âuntil late as work commitments would cost
One of the meanest of these was an elk thatthem opening day of the season. There were
went beyond the call if duty in creatingnow six of us. Bob, Leon and Larry had
torment.found our trucks parked and had heard the
shooting so had figured we had animals down
It was a rainy morning that opening day ofand could use some help. This being before
elk season so many years ago. It was thethe present era when the world was not
first such season and my first foray into theoverrun with thieves, we did not remove the
jungle of huge stumps, ancient timber andkeys from a vehicle when we parked as it may
young re-growth timber that is the west sideneed to be moved to allow access to
of  Washington's  Olympic  Peninsula.another. Thus, the three got out
packboards and such gear as they felt we
The Navy, just a few months prior, had seenwould need and started in to find us. I
fit to honor my first choice of duty stationwas deep in my long rut when they called out
on my transfer from the submarine I'd servedat first, so I did not hear them. Greg and
aboard for the previous five years. POMFPAC,Adam, however, did. In fact, they were
Polaris Missile Facility, Pacific, was to bewithin a stone's throw of Adam and he guided
my home for the next, and last, two years ofthem  on  to  Greg.
my service. This facility was located on
what is now the Submarine Base at Bangor, WA,I cannot express the joy I felt on seeing
home to the Pacific Trident Missile Fleet.Âtheir homely mugs, and told them as much!Â
Housing shortage in the area at the time ofIt was the work of but a few moments to tie a
my arrival… "most critical since WW II"rope to that last hunk of carcass and to pull
the newspaper headlines announced on the dayit out of the hole. They had even
of my arrival… forced me to make andetermined a better route out. Basically,
alteration to my original plan and to take ait followed the trail the elk had used in
military house on the Naval Ammunition Depotcoming down that ridge so long ago and led us
Annex on Indian Island, near Port Townsend,directly to the junction of the ridges and to
about thirty miles (50 km) north of theour trucks. I broached the possibility
base. This proved a most fortuitousthat I might get a ride out on one back or
circumstance as it landed me among the worstanother, but the fact that I soon realized
of bad company… a band of hard core elkthat the only way this was going to happen is
hunters.if I were willing to go the same way that elk
was going… in six pieces did much to
From the time I met Greg and Adam in Junecool my ardor at what I had really thought to
until season opened in November, we talkedbe a viable idea just moments before…
elk. Being the new boy on the block, IAn hour later, after much discussion of the
listened and listened… and listenedsanity of anyone who'd venture into that
some more. Many were the tales of the elkhole, we were all at the truck enjoying a
trails followed, the elk seen and of thecold drink and a warm meal of Chef Boyardee
ruggedness of the country traversed. Itthat was whipped up on a Coleman stove.Â
was this last that I, in retrospect, didn'tAlthough it was just simple fare, heated
listen  to  quite  closely  enough.quickly and served directly from the pan, it
was possibly one of the finer, most welcome
Opening morning of elk season 1968 found merepasts  I  have  ever  known.
on a ridge covered in reprod timber…
that is, young growth approximately six toAdam's elk was already in his truck and
eight years old. It was about fifteen feetGreg's was waiting at the edge of a small
(5 m) high and just an inch or two inlogging trace, ready to load.
girth. They can grow quite thickly,



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